


You can see it with the lights out (lights out)

by AstridBlue



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Baby Padme is gonna rule the world one day, Ben Solo is a Mess, Ben is Padme's father, F/M, Idiots in Love, Kid Fic, Meet-Cute, Padme the Second of her name, Rating May Change, Rey is a Mess (Star Wars), TW: Mentions of Abusive relationship, no beta we die like men, nothing explicit though, rated mature to be safe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:54:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29246889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstridBlue/pseuds/AstridBlue
Summary: Rey meets Ben at the lowest point of her life. Their encounter is fleeting and she thinks, ephemeral. She's coming out of a relationship that almost wrecked her and he's very much taken. They part ways after one car ride, certain they'll never meet again and she swears to herself that's she'll get her life back on track.She doesn't expect to meet him again almost two years later. Or to find herself still in love with a man she barely knows.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	You can see it with the lights out (lights out)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I'm doing. I fell down the Reylo rabbit hole because of Twitter and here I am, writing a damn fic. Please don't be too harsh. Also, French is my first language and this isn't beta'd. If someone wants to volunteer for the job, please let me know.
> 
> You can find me on Twitter here: @AstridBlue9 if you want to chat. I'd love to make new friends! 
> 
> TW for the first chapter: Mention of a past abusive relationship between Rey and OMC. Nothing explicit.

Chapter One: No proof, one touch

Rey falls in love the same night she loses the last thread of respect she had for herself.

It’s almost midnight and she’s at a fancy costume party for the rich and affluent that have nothing better to do with their time than pretend to be other people.

As if they’d like the idea of somehow not being as rich and careless and thoughtless as they are.

But bitterness isn’t what she needs right now. She needs to get out of here. Her long, utterly gorgeous, and completely impractical dress makes it hard to breathe now. She thanks her lucky star she doesn’t have to wear corsets or anything restrictive under her gown. Her chest feels tight enough already. And her heart keeps pounding against her ribcage, trying to break free.

A glimpse at a non-existent guest earlier spooked her and a sentence is now stuck in her head, trapping her in a maddening fight or flight state of mind.

_It’s not him. It can’t be him. He doesn’t even know where you are._

_It’s not him. It can’t be him. He doesn’t even know where you are._

_It’s not him. It can’t be him. He doesn’t even know where you are._

She shakes her head and tries to get a grip on herself. The thought crosses her mind that she needs a smoke or a drink but she rarely does either and even less when she is among strangers.

_Marcus would have,_ her mind unhelpfully supplies. Yes, but Marcus isn’t here. He’s really, really not and she has to go now.

She notices her hands are now shaking. She needs a hiding place. Somewhere quiet.

She finds a dark alcove in the gardens outside. It’s a late November night in Manhattan and it’s bloody cold but she relishes how the freezing weather shocks her body and helps clear her mind. Well, at least a little.

She opens her clutch and fishes out her phone. She’s got ten messages and five voicemails. All from _him_. Apologies. Apologies. Apologies. Insult. Threat. Apologies again. She thinks of blocking him for good but her friend Jannah told her to keep evidence of stalking and bring them to the authorities so she can get a restraining order. She’s not exactly sure if this is enough yet. Can the cops do anything with just insulting messages and angry voicemails? Will they? Rey sighs. When did her life become so depressing?

A few days ago, Rey had elected to never pick up any of Marcus’ calls again after he had called her names, threatened her, and made her cry in the dingy bathroom of a dive bar just outside of New York. They’d driven there for one of his high school friends’ birthday party that had rapidly degenerated.

Now that she recalls it, calling it a bathroom might actually be a stretch. More like a repurposed closet. She can still remember the vile smell of urine and stale beer. There had been a woman on the other side of the door, drunk out of her mind and banging on it while spewing obscenities.

Between Marcus’ public and unfounded accusations of her cheating and her fear to confront the angry woman, Rey had chosen to stay inside the toilet until the woman had gone and her crying had stopped. She’d come out to find that Marcus and his mates had deserted her in a town she barely knew, with almost no money to get back to the city. It had been pouring outside that day and she had had to wait almost an hour for a bus that would not even get her halfway back home.

That had been her lowest point yet and the electroshock she’d needed to wake up. She’d finally seen the devastation that had swept through her life.

She had felt so utterly stupid and ashamed that day. She’d endured months of his abuse and almost lost all of her friends in the process. They all had tried to help her but she’d kept pushing them away, too ashamed to admit what was happening with Marcus. None of her friends had known any of the specifics. They just knew something was wrong and had tried to make her talk. And she had spat in their face. Well. Not literally. But close.

She had hurt Rose with her words. Ignored Jannah for weeks on end. And when Kaydel had actually shown up at her workplace, looking furious and demanding explanations, Rey had screamed at her. In the meantime, Marcus had been whispering in her ear, poisoning her mind against the only people that had ever truly cared about her. And she had let him, blinded by her confused feelings for him and her lack of trust in herself.

She feels her stomach churning at the simple recollection of those moments. A year ago she would have called herself strong. Resilient. Level-minded. Today… today she couldn’t even look at herself in the mirror without feeling rage. Rage and a deep-seated shame that she knew was not going to leave her anytime soon.

She’s a mess.

And she needs to find Bazine before she can leave. Bazine, who invited her. It feels rude to slip out without saying goodbye. Although Rey knows that the only reason her relationship with Bazine hasn’t suffered the same damage as her other friendships is that the woman rarely cares for anyone else but herself. A small, nasty little voice resonates at the back of her head: _Daddy’s little girl is so rich, she can even buy herself friends._

She shakes her head. Not helpful, Rey. And not true. Bazine is… not your usual kind of friend, yes. But she always brings her to nice places and even gives her some of her clothes. She knows Bazine doesn’t do that for anyone else. That’s worth something, right?

Her phone buzzes in her hand. It’s Bazine.

_This party’s a bust. Already left with some guy. You can use my car service to get you home. I’ve already texted the driver._

Well, so much for leaving without telling her. But Rey feels relieved she doesn’t have to try and find some excuse to duck out.

She texts a quick _thx, I will. Be safe._ She makes her way inside again and gets her coat before heading for the exit. Once she’s in the street, she texts the car service to come and get her.

She looks around, not completely convinced that what she saw earlier wasn’t just a figment of her overacting imagination. A small part still isn’t convinced that Marcus isn’t somewhere, in the crowd of excruciatingly well-dressed partiers. That she won’t spot him soon if she doesn’t leave.

Right there, in the corner of her eye. Like a fleeting shadow with a cruel smile.

But with everyone wearing masks around her, her head seems to turn on itself, spinning faster than the earth on its axis as she is desperately trying to find the one thing she doesn’t want to see. But there is nothing there. Only forced laughter and drunken desperation carefully hidden behind painted smiles.

She shakes her head again and snaps out of it. “He isn’t here. He doesn’t know where you are” she tells herself out loud this time.

_He will never touch you again, not if you have something to say about it, you are strong, you are -_

A man nearly gets himself run over by a cab in front of her.

The driver starts insulting him through his open window. She can’t hear what the man tells the taxi driver but whatever it is, it doesn’t convince him to take him as a customer. The man - tall, dark hair, built like a brick house - screams obscenities as he watches the car drive away.

He looks in her direction and Rey looks away, desperately trying to look invisible in a gown and a mask.But if he finds her odd, he dismisses her almost immediately as he tries to stop another taxi but no one is even slowing down for him anymore.

Is he drunk? Or high? That would just be her luck, stuck waiting for a driver that doesn’t want to arrive, ten meters away from a guy that’s apparently unhinged.

But she looks at him nonetheless. Even though she knows she should walk back inside and wait there, she can’t help herself. He seems a little worse for wear, she decides after a minute. But his movements are not uncoordinated. They’re deliberate. Unconsciously, she takes a step forward, trying to get a better look at him.

He’s wearing dark jeans and a leather jacket. He has a bag that has seen better days hanging off one of his shoulders and he’s clutching a phone in his right hand. He looks at it but his battery seems to have died and he starts to swear before going back to the sidewalk and sitting down, head in his hands.

Rey isn’t someone who’d consider herself foolhardy. She’d even say that she’s cautious to a fault. At least, that’s what she used to tell herself before everything went down with Marcus. Tonight, feeling a bit lost and almost at the end of her own tether, she can’t help but feel some kinship with the man in front of her. His back is to her and she’s not quite sure what to expect when she finds herself putting her hand on his shoulder. His head turns toward her and _oh- he’s handsome._

But whatever thought might have come next, she never finds out.

“I don’t have any money.” He says, slightly throwing her off.

Well, that’s odd. Did he think she was about to ask him for some change?

“Well, good thing I’m not asking for any.” She replies.

The man looks up and seems surprised at her appearance. Maybe he didn’t see her after all. He gets up and goddess above, he is _tall._ And Rey’s not short herself, with her 5’11” and borrowed Louboutin pumps. Her throat suddenly feels a little dry and she’s not quite sure why she’s speaking to him in the first place but she can’t seem to regret her choice at the moment.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were, um..” He gestures something incomprehensible but Rey gets his meaning nonetheless.

“Some beggar asking for change. Yes, I always seem to get that reaction from people. Do you think it’s the dress? Too last season maybe…” she teases.

He chuckles and maybe even blushes a little but it’s hard to tell under a streetlamp.

“I’m really sorry” he repeats “I’m just having a hell of a night and I’ve lost my wallet and my phone is dead and I can’t seem to get a cab who’ll drive me where I want without getting paid directly. But your dress is lovely.” He finishes, a little lamely.

Rey can only sympathize. There’s so much about tonight and the months before that she wants to forget. Or just get over with, really. But here she stands, not five minutes after almost having a panic attack, teasing a perfect stranger who’s not having much more luck than her. Well, maybe she can help someone tonight, even if it’s not herself.

“Where do you need to go?” she asks.

“The hospital, my… my girlfriend is in labor.”

Rey feels a little pang of regret hearing that he’s very much taken, but she doesn’t linger on it. She can hardly get herself out of her relationship with Marcus, or even hang onto her friendship with her best friends. Getting into something - anything - with a stranger, however good looking he may be… well, she hopes she knows better now.

“Would you like a ride?” Rey asks, just as the town car parks next to them as she signals to the driver. The stranger looks at her oddly. “I promise I’m not kidnapping you. I’m not really dressed for it anyway.” She laughs.

The driver gets out of the car and opens the door. Rey gets in first and when she sees that he’s not getting in directly, she pokes her head out of the car: “Well?”

“Sorry, thanks!” He finally moves and gets in after her. He’s very tall so the movement’s far from gracious and she can’t help but smile at the scene.

“Which hospital is your girlfriend at?”

“She’s at Mount Sinai.”

“Not too far, then.” She repeats their destination to the driver and the car starts to move.

The first five minutes of the drive are spent in utter silence, with both Rey and the man looking out of their own window. Rey feels a bit silly, sitting next to complete stranger and not talking. She doesn’t even know his name. Maybe she should ask him…

“What’s your na-”?

“I’m Ben by the-”

They look at each other, a bit embarrassed. Rey suddenly starts to laugh, unable to stop herself.

This is so ridiculous.

Ben, now that she knows his name, looks at her as if she’s finally lost it. Frankly, she probably has. She regains some of her composure a moment later and introduces herself. She extends her hand which he takes. God, that man has huge hands.

“I’m Rey. I’m sorry I laughed, I wasn’t mocking you I swear. This is all just-”

“Fucking weird?” he finishes.

“Not sure I would have put it like that but I’ll take it. Also, I’ve had a completely terrible evening. I think this is just my nerves finally giving in.” She explains and she finally drops his hand.

He smiles. “Sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I sympathize. Today’s not been kind to me either. Well, until I met you. I’m really thankful for the ride, by the way. Not a lot of people would have done that for someone they don’t even know.”

“That’s quite alright. I thought I’d end today on a positive note after such an awful day.”

Rey is sure she’s blushing and she’s thankful the inside of the car is dark and that’s she’s still wearing her mask. Oh shit, her mask! She reaches behind her head to undo the knot but the bugger is really tight. She struggles for a bit before she feels his warm hands over hers.

“May I? This looks a bit stuck.”

She drops her hands and turns away from him.

“Oh, um, do you mind? My friend Bazine tied it for me and I guess I should have known better when she told me she’s an expert in knots.”

He chuckles as he works on the knot. “She sounds like a character.”

Rey stops herself from nodding as she feels the strings of her mask loosening under his ministrations.

“You could say that. She’s probably the least self-conscious person I know. Or maybe the most… It’s really difficult to tell with her.”

He hums behind her and the mask finally falls down her lap. “All done.” she hears behind her and god, she didn’t realize how much that thing was squeezing her brain.

Or how close his voice is to her…

She turns towards him abruptly and almost bumps the top of her head against his chin.

“Oh, sorry! I mean thanks! For the knot. That thing was killing me.”

He doesn’t say anything and stares at her for a few seconds and she feels his eyes on her lips, which she bites unconsciously. _He really_ is _handsome._

His hand almost lifts up to cradle her face but he stops himself just in time and sits back near the door next to him. Rey immediately feels the loss of his body next to hers and she shivers in her light coat. He must notice it right away because he shrugs off his jacket a second later before putting it on her shoulders.

“Don’t catch your death.” He says as his hands leave her shoulders and damn, he smells good. The scent coming off his leather jacket now surrounds her and she can still feel the heat that radiated off him around her shoulders. She wonders how his arms around her would feel like…

But the girlfriend. And the baby about to arrive. And Marcus still ruining her life.

Rey knows she cannot. And he _definitely_ cannot. So she elects to be strong for both of them.

“You must be really anxious to meet your child.” She says and she knows this is as much a way out for her as it is for him when he looks at her with a slight surprise in his eyes. _Oh, the ways this could have gone incredibly wrong. Or incredibly right._

“Um yeah. My - my girlfriend, she wasn’t due for two weeks. She called me an hour ago from the taxi taking her to the hospital. I was working and my phone’s battery was at 5%. And I forgot my wallet at the gym this morning and I couldn’t get it back. I was just about to lose it when you offered me a ride.”

Again, she can see the anxiety radiating off him, the same way she felt it when she came up behind him as he was sitting on the sidewalk.

“Well, we’re gonna get there soon now and you’ll be able to see her and meet your little boy or your little girl not long after.”

“Yeah” She hears him exhale. “Yeah, that’s... God, I’m gonna meet my little girl.” He says in disbelief. He passes a hand through his hair and Rey wishes nothing less than to be able to do that as well.

She can’t.

So she says. “A girl, eh? Got a name yet?”

He nods. “I thought Padme. That’s my grandma’s name. Didn’t get to know her but she was... She was a really great person.”

“That’s a lovely name. I’m sure little Padme is gonna be as great as her namesake. How can’t she be when she’s got a dad who cares so much for her already?”

He doesn’t say anything for a while and she wonders if she’s made a mistake somehow. Not long after, she feels him shaking next to her and she puts her hand on his. She really didn’t mean to do that but she really can’t seem to stop herself with him. There’s a strange connection between them, something electric and yet incredibly soft. She can’t quite put her finger on it and all the words she can think of fall short of describing the way he affects her. And the way she affects him, she thinks as well.

Tonight has gone so differently than she thought it would and Rey’s head is spinning with the whiplash of going through so many conflicting emotions in the space of one evening.

There’s the party she didn’t really want to go to. There’s seeing the ghost of Marcus in crowds of strangers. There’s needing the friends she pushed away so carelessly.

And then, there’s Ben.

Ben who’s a total stranger. Ben, who’s not what she expected when she first saw him recklessly trying to stop taxis. He’s quiet and wears his emotions on his face. He’s a bit of a mess too but so is she. So much more than him, she suspects. And if she can offer reassurance… Or just some kindness. Well, then, maybe it’s worth going through the heartache she knows is coming.

She doesn’t dare to ask questions about his girlfriend. The less she learns about her, the better it will be for her in the long run. Rey has already got her heart stumped on this year by someone else.

He finally says something but it’s mumbled and she doesn’t hear him very clearly.

“I’m sorry?” she asks.

“I’m not ready… I’m not ready to be a father.”

His hand squeezes hers and there’s a tightening in her throat.

“Ben… no one is ready to be a parent. Not truly. Not ever. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Because it means whatever challenges you’ll encounter, you’ll do your best to overcome them and learn to be a better parent. People who think they’re right, or that they know what they’re doing… they’re always less careful. And that leads to mistakes more often than not.”

Rey doesn’t know where that particular nugget of wisdom is coming from as she’s a product of the foster system, but maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s why she knows what she’s saying is true. She’s seen the worst of the worst while she was going through families after families. She knows what makes a terrible parent. So, maybe, instinctively, she knows what makes a great parent. And that man sitting next to her, worried to his core that he’s not ready, that he’ll fuck up in some way… Well, Rey is really glad little Padme’s got him.

“Ben.. Look at me.”

He hesitates a little, before looking up to meet her gaze. His eyes are a little red and it tells her everything she needs to know.

“Worrying is normal. And so is making mistakes. But as long as you own them and always strive to make up for them and be better, then you’re gonna be just fine. And so will Padme. She’s gonna be a really lucky little girl, I can tell. And she’s gonna have her dad wrapped around her little finger.”

He laughs a little, as if taken by surprise, and a tear falls down.Rey catches it with her thumb. He’s about to say something when the car stops and the driver informs them they’ve arrived at Mount Sinai.

Rey smiles. “Well, looks like you’re about to find out what a wonderful father you’re gonna be.”

He looks outside the window and she takes his jacket off. The driver steps out of the vehicle before opening the door on Ben’s side of the car. Rey hands him his jacket and he takes it after putting his bag on his shoulder. He steps out as well and bends down.

“I- Thanks. Thanks so much for everything.”

Rey moves from her seat, takes the one he just vacated, and does the last thing she should do. She takes his face between her hands and kisses his cheek. His face feels warm against her lips and she wants to linger as long as he’ll allow it but she doesn’t dare to push her luck any further.

“You’re very welcome. Now go meet your daughter.”

He looks at her lips once again but ultimately steps back. He turns his back to her and starts walking towards the entrance. The driver closes the door carefully as she looks at Ben making his way inside the building. He gets in and Rey feels a little sad that he didn’t look back even once.

_It’s probably better that way,_ she thinks.

The car starts again and they drive away.

***

A year and a half later, he’s the last person she thinks she’ll see again.

And yet, there he is. Impossibly tall and handsome and trying to pry his daughter of Rey’s legs.

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews are love!!!!


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